Weekly Spam: Money for ‘some Africa country’

It’s been well over a week since I’ve posted one of these, but in my defense, the pickings have been very generic lately.  This one, although a typical scam, is just special in its wording though – and it broke through Yahoo’s spam filter.  Would you like a cut of $95 Billion?  Read on!

From:  George Hendrick (george@btinternet.com)
To:  Undisclosed recipients

UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION.
Address: Palais Des Nations, 1211 Geneva 10, Switzerland.
Webmaster@unog.ch/uncc.

AFRICA NATIONS DEBT CLEARANCE NOTICE.
Sir,
Reference to the recent meeting between the United Nations and the Africa Union to restore the dignity and Economy of the Africa.

Agreements were reached by these WORLD LEADERS, the secretary to the UNITED NATIONS and the World Bank to assistance and redeem the image of Africa by settling some Africa foreign debts.

WORLD LEADERS / UNITED NATIONS / WORLD BANK have map out the sum of US 95,000,000,000 (Ninety Five Billion United States Dollars) to be use in paying  some foreign contractors debts owed by some African countries.

I want to bring to you notice that your name was among the list submitted in my office by the UNITED NATIONS COMPENSATION COMMISSION (UNCC) as among those being owed by an Africa country and that is why am contacting you.

You are advised to contact the UN / World bank officer in-charge with your contract Number / Amount for reconfirmation and payment processing.

Contact Mr. George Hendrick of the UN LOANS CREDIT BANK.  Johannesburg, South Africa offices on this email address or fax number for clearance and directive for your payment.
Contact:     Accountant Mr. George Hendrick.
UN LOANS CREDIT BANK
Email: georgehendrick@accountant.com
Johannesburg, South Africa
Webmaster@unog.ch/uncc.
Tel: +27781349646 Fax: +27862120771

These are the two mode of payment.

Payments are either through direct BANK FUND DEPOSIT into beneficiary’s new opening account with UN LOANS CREDIT BANK in order to avoid wrong crediting of funds while BENEFICIARIES will do the online transfer of their funds with a TRANSFER PIN NUMBER by themselves to any account of their choice.

Or by an ATM VISA CREDIT CARD with PIN Number which will be sent to the beneficiaries address.

ATM Credit Card Modes of payments is the United Nations New Approved Means of Payment to Foreign debts. It’s RELIABLE / FAST / SAFE / SECURED and LIMITS CASH LAUNDARY.

You are advised choose one of the options and also to reconfirm / resend your full Name, telephone number / your contact sum to Accountant Mr. George Hendrick for payment processing.

Regards,
Ms R. B. for: Mr. Ban Ki-Moon .Secretary (UNITED NATIONS).

My favourite parts? Calling it ‘the Africa’; ‘assistance and redeem the image of Africa by settling some Africa foreign debts’; oh yes, and ‘LIMITS CASH LAUNDARY.’  Bwahahahaha!  The @ accountant dot com email address for Georgie is pretty special, too, and absolutely believable – as believable as the United Nations paying random individual contractors by ATM.  *snort*

You know, spellcheck would be a huge help for these people.  It’s like they’re not even trying to fleece me!

 

Weekly Spam: the Gif-Tastic edition

So lately, my folder’s been flooded by a new set of spammers, who’ve taken to trying to evade the spam filters by making the entire contents of their message, save a sentence or so, into an image.  Too bad they’re still all ending up in Spam-land. Fail.

In any case, this one just made me LOL, so without further ado, Weekly Spam in Pictures:

Okay, what the hell is wrong with this girl’s face?  It’s stretched out like the creepy smiles in Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun video.  Yuck!  I can’t even… it’s like Mr. Ed humped a Beverly Hills housewife or something.

But beyond that, I LOVE the product name:  Bill My Parents.  *snort*  That’s just awesome.  It makes no apologies for what this is, and keeps it simple.  In fact, when I saw this, I immediately thought of this:

Yeah, you totes know all the dumb-ass spoiled teens ARK Fail Factory enlists have parents who hand out prepaid credit and debit cards to their pweshus spawn.  Now that we’ve got Mummy and Daddy’s money, you know what time it is!

And guess who’s gonna be performing at the party with Rebecca?  Only the most no-no-notorious dude in their class:

I really hope Bill My Parents Mr. Ed Progeny has better luck than Rebecca hitching a ride to this sweet party:

Oh wait; there’s the spoiled teen brigade now.  Our Bill My Parents girl has a ride to the party!  Whee!

Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!

This post brought to you by my sleep-deprived brain randomly surfing my accumlated gifs.  Now go get that prepaid debit card!

Weekly Spam

For kicks, I’ve decided to dive into the junk folders of my email accounts once a week, plucking out my favourite, ridiculous spam mail for posterity.

I’ve seen variations of this phishing spam before, but it’s one of my favourites, mainly because of some choice quotes.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

MY DEAR FRIEND

From:  J.T. <john.travis@iraq.com>

My Dear Friend,

Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Sgt. John Travis, a US Marine Sgt. Serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment that Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you. I am presently in Iraq one out of the 50 thousand remaning soldiers for training of Iraq forces untill end of this year. I found your contact particulars in an address journal hence i contact you.

I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of Nine Million US Dollars ($9 Million USD) to the States or any safe country, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.

This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein’s old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

Click this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?

No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole. The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity)

I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.

This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship. Reply via email:  johntravis8@gmail.com

Respectfully,
Sgt. John Travis

Oh my LOLZ!  Where to begin?  First off, check the @iraq.com on the header, as contrasted with the gmail account you are directed to contact at the end.  Because, ya know, the website iraq.com belongs to the Marines, right?

Now, credit where credit is due, this email begins with fairly accurate grammar and spelling, and also utilizes facts so as to be believable.  It names off the battalion, etc of this supposed Sargeant (how much you wanna bet that a John Travis did, indeed, go to Iraq and was perhaps killed?), and mentions the Anbar province.  For someone without the faintest clue about spam and scams, this may come off sincere.

But then, the grammar slides.  He found my email address in an address journal, “hence I contact you”?  Alright, which of you punks went on vacation in Iraq and lost your phone book?  *shakes head*  He then tells us of finding magical money in Saddam’s palaces and that he’s asking a complete stranger to hide nine million bucks for him, without stealing it, until his service is done.  Um…  Yeah.  I am also amused by the fake bbc link here.  But then we hit my favourite part:  “This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?  No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole.”

This spammer is guilt-tripping you into providing your information!  Bwahahahaha.  I love it!  I also love the further guilting here:  “I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.”

They’ve gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to make this look sincere and personalized, and mostly well-written.  But still… if you actually believe that a solider with a ton of cash would contact a stranger to smuggle it out and hold it, you deserve to be the victim of fraud.  Why can’t he pay his way out of Iraq?  Why is he contacting the British Embassy for help?  Why wouldn’t the Embassy wonder why the US Embassy wouldn’t just send home a dead soldier’s things?

Oh, spam!  You can be so creative.  I love you.

Weekly Spam

For kicks, I’ve decided to dive into the junk folders of my email accounts once a week, plucking out my favourite, ridiculous spam mail for posterity.

I’ve had one of my email accounts for 15 years now, which both makes me feel old and, naturally, means the account is consistently flooded with spam mail.  I’ve since moved all personal correspondence to other accounts, keeping it exclusively for mailing lists and so on.  Some of the junk mail I get there is priceless in its absurdity.  Here’s one shining star:

URGENT RESPONSE

From:  “Lt. Gen Aliyu Gusau” <ashleyalmanza656187@gmail.com>

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
ASO ROCK VILLA, ABUJA(F.C.T)
PHONE: +234-708-479-9600

ATTENTION

I AM LT. GEN ALIYU GUSAU, NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR TO GOODLUCK JONATHAN, PRESIDENT FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. I AM DELIGHTED TO INFORM YOU THAT A RESOLUTION HAVE COME INTO THIS YEAR 2011 AFTER THE CONTRACT PANEL MEETING, WHICH CONCLUDED IN ABUJA JUST RELEASED YOUR NAME AMONG OVERDUE CONTRACTORS TO BENEFIT FROM THE DIPLOMATIC PAYMENT IN YEAR 2011. NOTE THAT WE ARE GOING TO SEND YOU YOUR CONTRACT PART PAYMENT OF FIFTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY TO YOU VIA DIPLOMATIC CASH PAYMENT(USD15.5M), THIS FURTHER EXPLAINS THAT YOUR CONTRACT FUNDS WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOUR DOORSTEP.

KINDLY RE-COMFIRM ME. (1)YOUR FULL NAME:- (2)FULL HOME ADDRESS:- (3)YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER.

NOTE THAT THE MONEY WILL BE PACKAGED AS A CONSIGNMENT WHICH WILL BE SEALED WITH SYNTHETIC NYLON AND PADDED WITH MACHINE. PLEASE YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY FOR ANYTHING, AS THE TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE. PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY BECAUSE THE DIPLOMATS WOULD BE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.

LT. GEN ALIYU GUSAU.

DIRECT LINE: +234-708-479-9600

O RLY?

Let’s take a look at how failtastic this is.  First of all, I love the email address for this supposed Lieutenant…  I’m sure the general is named Ashley in private.  Hmm, you know, given all of the political scandals of late, that’s actually pretty possible.  I stand corrected.  However, I sincerely doubt anyone’s name is Goodluck Jonathan, let alone the President of the Federal Reserve.

As usual, this is a phishing scam, although they’re at least wise enough not to ask immediately for your banking info.  That will come when they get your cell phone number. *snicker*

After you ‘re-comfirm me’ the information, you too can have five hundred thousand dollars sent to your doorstep, risk-free(!), courtesy of a synthetic nylon packed with machine.  You no worry for anything!  How awesome to have money stuffed by machine into some nylon item, all for you, dear contractor!

It boggles my mind when people fall prey to phishing scams, because the emails aren’t even written well.  And in the case of this one, you’d have to be a fool to believe that without bidding for this as a contractor, you were magically selected.  Goodluck Jonathan loves you, baby.