Weekly Spam

For kicks, I’ve decided to dive into the junk folders of my email accounts once a week, plucking out my favourite, ridiculous spam mail for posterity.

I’ve had one of my email accounts for 15 years now, which both makes me feel old and, naturally, means the account is consistently flooded with spam mail.  I’ve since moved all personal correspondence to other accounts, keeping it exclusively for mailing lists and so on.  Some of the junk mail I get there is priceless in its absurdity.  Here’s one shining star:

URGENT RESPONSE

From:  “Lt. Gen Aliyu Gusau” <ashleyalmanza656187@gmail.com>

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
ASO ROCK VILLA, ABUJA(F.C.T)
PHONE: +234-708-479-9600

ATTENTION

I AM LT. GEN ALIYU GUSAU, NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR TO GOODLUCK JONATHAN, PRESIDENT FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. I AM DELIGHTED TO INFORM YOU THAT A RESOLUTION HAVE COME INTO THIS YEAR 2011 AFTER THE CONTRACT PANEL MEETING, WHICH CONCLUDED IN ABUJA JUST RELEASED YOUR NAME AMONG OVERDUE CONTRACTORS TO BENEFIT FROM THE DIPLOMATIC PAYMENT IN YEAR 2011. NOTE THAT WE ARE GOING TO SEND YOU YOUR CONTRACT PART PAYMENT OF FIFTEEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY TO YOU VIA DIPLOMATIC CASH PAYMENT(USD15.5M), THIS FURTHER EXPLAINS THAT YOUR CONTRACT FUNDS WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOUR DOORSTEP.

KINDLY RE-COMFIRM ME. (1)YOUR FULL NAME:- (2)FULL HOME ADDRESS:- (3)YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER.

NOTE THAT THE MONEY WILL BE PACKAGED AS A CONSIGNMENT WHICH WILL BE SEALED WITH SYNTHETIC NYLON AND PADDED WITH MACHINE. PLEASE YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY FOR ANYTHING, AS THE TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE. PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY BECAUSE THE DIPLOMATS WOULD BE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE AS SOON AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.

LT. GEN ALIYU GUSAU.

DIRECT LINE: +234-708-479-9600

O RLY?

Let’s take a look at how failtastic this is.  First of all, I love the email address for this supposed Lieutenant…  I’m sure the general is named Ashley in private.  Hmm, you know, given all of the political scandals of late, that’s actually pretty possible.  I stand corrected.  However, I sincerely doubt anyone’s name is Goodluck Jonathan, let alone the President of the Federal Reserve.

As usual, this is a phishing scam, although they’re at least wise enough not to ask immediately for your banking info.  That will come when they get your cell phone number. *snicker*

After you ‘re-comfirm me’ the information, you too can have five hundred thousand dollars sent to your doorstep, risk-free(!), courtesy of a synthetic nylon packed with machine.  You no worry for anything!  How awesome to have money stuffed by machine into some nylon item, all for you, dear contractor!

It boggles my mind when people fall prey to phishing scams, because the emails aren’t even written well.  And in the case of this one, you’d have to be a fool to believe that without bidding for this as a contractor, you were magically selected.  Goodluck Jonathan loves you, baby.

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