Monthly Archives: July 2011

DVD Blog-entary: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – The Virgin Viewing

Project Intro/First Film
Second Film

We’ve reached the last of the films I’ve actually seen any part of, which is kind of exciting.  It means the next five are all absolutely fresh.  That said, I barely remember any of this one, because at the time, I had no interest in the franchise and didn’t know the backstory, so nothing made much sense.

The book was sorta meh for me; I enjoyed it mostly, but again, like the first, it began a little slow for me.  We’ll see how the movie fares now, in the third installment of the Blog-entary of Harry Potter.  Snacks prepared… Accio movie!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The Blog-entary

  • Um, isn’t it illegal for Harry to cast spells back home?  Why is he making light?
  • Aw, Harry is no longer a Baby! so I can no longer tag him as such.
  • Float away, you ignorant cow!  Bwahahaha!  Dudley got owned by a button.
  • Um… Harry, did you leave Hedwig?! WTF?  You prick!
  • What’s with the Rasta bus ghost thingie? LOL
  • There’s Hedwig! Now I’m okay again.  I was enraged for a few minutes.
  • What’s with all the Beatles hairdos on the Weasley boys?  *facepalm*
  • There’s a chill in my bones…. oh shit, it’s a Dementor!  Don’t just stare, Harry… Oh, er, oops.
  • Okay, what the hell?  Lame ass choir, GTFO.  I want my food porn and Dumbledore 2.0.  Speaking of, I like him way better.  The first one was too kindly and docile.  Dumbledore always struck me as the Gandalf for the series.
  • Trelawney is a total ROFLcopter…  I couldn’t take this bitch seriously, either Hermione.
  • “You’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it.”  Oh, Ron. You’re still the best.
  • Draco got a wankery haircut too!  What the hell?  Was this the precursor to Bieber bowls?
  • “You’re supposed to stroke it.”  That’s what she said.
  • Oh, Hagrid! You’re so bloody naive… Like a big, hairy child.
  • “I’m the king of the worlllllllllllllllllllllld!”
  • Malfoy is a goddamn idiot… but we all knew that.
  • On a cinematography note, I am so glad to be rid of Columbus.  He’s done great work before (Rent) but this is a vast improvement.
  • You know, they know how awful the Dursleys are. They are BARELY guardians. Why couldn’t they sign off on his form?
  • Snape so has a boner for Hermione.  Jerk off.
  • Seriously, Harry?  NOT the time to dream up shapes in the clouds storming by.
  • Mischief managed!
  • Ugh, stupid singers!  Knock them down, Harry!
  • God Harry, your anorexia is going to kill you.  EAT! ;)
  • Buckbeak :(
  • Why does Harry not question the fact that Lupin a) knows how to use the map and b) even knows it’s a map?
  • Bam! Bitch went down! Bam! Hermione, super bitch!
  • BUCKBEAK :(!!!!!
  • “Why don’t you run along and play with your Chemistry set?”
  • Puppy!
  • BUCKBEAK :D!
  • Expecto motherfucking Patronum!
  • O hai Sirius! Here to save you, LOLZ.
  • Harry breaks his brooms almost as often as his bloody glasses.  #random

Final thoughts:  One bitch:  the constant fade to black, fade back in device got extremely tired.  Very one trick pony.  The creatures continued to be rendered in awesome ways.  NOT ENOUGH NEVILLE.  I know shit has to be cut, but bloody hell! I’d happily take another ten minutes to have a few more moments with the Weasleys or Neville.  I also miss the parts where Hermione would be dying from homework and such, and it would have been nice to see them faking their charts for Trelawney.

Next:  my favourite book, Goblet of Fire! Whee!

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DVD Blog-entary: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – The Virgin Viewing

For a run-down on this little project, and my blog-entary on the first film, click me.

Unlike the first film, I have seen maybe five minutes of this one – the still above being from those five minutes, actually. This will be very virginal, indeed, although Goblet of Fire will be the first film I haven’t watched ANY part of. This was one of my favourite books, so if they do it wrong, RAGE! Ready, set…. Accio movie!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: The Blog-entary

  • Ahh! Baby!Harry’s voice is changing. This is seriously weird, still. I am kind of wishing I’d watched as they were released, so my mind wouldn’t be wrestling with the whole nudity deal. It’s just ODD. It’s not like Kate Winslet did movies as a tween, only to screw with my head with Titanic or The Reader or… Man, she gets naked a lot. I approve of this, but I digress. Baby!Harry and Hedwig!
  • Oh lord… Dobby’s voice… Is he the Jar Jar of the fandom? He was so cute in the books, but ick… Nails on chalk board…
  • I love that the Dursleys are stupid enough to think bars and nails can stop magical people from entering or leaving. Fail.
  • Baby!Ron’s voice is also changing… Ahh!
  • The Weasleys’ house is way nicer than the books make it out to be. They practically make it sound like a shack or something, or at least rundown. It’s really cozy and bright!
  • How do you mispronounce words you’ve just heard, Harry? Yeesh!
  • Lockhart: just as slimey and game show host-ish as I predicted.
  • Baby!Draco grew the most between movies. He looks…. ick. How did Emma crush on him? Lucius is so trying to be Jeremy Irons, but not as cool.
  • Is it bad that my biggest concern during the flying car debacle was poor Hedwig?
  • Ha ha Snape, Dumbledore owns you.
  • Finally! Plants! Poor Baby!Neville; no one cares about him. He fainted? Whatevs. Leave his body on the floor.
  • ROTFLMFAO at the Howler.
  • Aww, Mrs. Norris :( Kitty. Even if she is a fucking evil kitty, it still makes me cringe to see her hung up like that.
  • Okay, Hogwarts is run by wizards. How can they NOT tell that someone has bewitched a broom or whatever, realize cheating is going on, AND STOP THE GODDAMN GAME? It’s pissed me off the entire series.
  • “Who cares?” Indeed, Baby!Ron. No one gives a shit about Lockhart’s safety. And I thought so long before finishing this book.
  • Stupid children. If Harry was going to sic the snake on anyone, it would be Draco.
  • Harry really should have learned from first year not to wander the castle at night. It NEVER does him any good.
  • *shudder* I so would not drink hair for any reason…
  • Myrtle doesn’t really moan…. She just squeals. And I still don’t like how they show the ghosts or the lack of Peeves mischief
  • Petrified Hermione is creeeeeeepy
  • Aww, Baby!Ron’s voice cracks so badly when he freaks out.
  • As much as I hate Snape, his pwnage of Lockhart is awesome.
  • Riddle is so annoying… arrgh… Smug little fucker.
  • I want a pet Phoenix. ZOMG cuteness!
  • Ha ha, Lucius… Go cry, emo blonde. Baby!Harry just glared your ass down….
  • … and then, Dobby owned you. *snicker*
  • Awww…. I love Hagrid… He’s so sweet and cuddly….

Final thoughts: Needs more Hedwig! I’m also missing the moments of Hermione scolding the boys over not doing their work or paying attention, little scenes from the books. It’s like her character suddenly lost that attribute in the second film, and while she definitely became less of an annoying bint over the course of the books, she never lost that bit of nagging. Better than the first film, though; the pacing was much better.

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DVD Blog-entary: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – The Virgin Viewing

True facts: I was never a part of the Harry Potter phenomenon. First of all, I have a huge bias against anything that explodes, because generally, it’s not a good experience for me. Case example: Avatar. I even avoided Lord of the Rings because, again, no one would shut the hell up about it. Back in 2002, I moved in with my dad to help fix my finances. Little brother was big time in love with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Being as he watched the first films of each non-freaking-stop, I eventually caved and watched The Fellowship. Aside from annoyance at the ending (it should have ended where the book did), I really enjoyed it. And I so do not dig fantasy, as a rule. Now buoyed by little brother being right, I watched the first Harry Potter film. Or tried to. I got bored 40 minutes in and wandered away. Two or three years later, my ex rented Prisoner of Azkaban, and again I tried to watch. The problem this time was that I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time, due to not knowing the canon established in the first two. I tuned out because I was mad. When late 2010 hit, I got an ereader, and also decided to try and read all of the most challenged books in the US (out of spite at censorship, of course). At the behest of two friends and having them on the list, I read the first book, promising to try and stay with it for the first three. With a few misses along the way (do NOT dig Order of the Phoenix; didn’t care for the first book; Deathly Hallows ended way too conveniently for me), I enjoyed the books. My favourite was Goblet of Fire, by the way, with Chamber of Secrets right behind it. Now, the ending of the films is upon us… and here, she arrives at the point: I’ve still never seen an entire film of the series. It strikes me that I should TRY to watch them again, although frankly, I’m afraid that having seen Radcliffe’s grown-up junk via Equus, that Baby!Harry will be a strange sight. I’m in no rush; I’m sure the fans have sold out every showing for the next two weeks for the final one. But I will give them a go and when I do, I’ll be blogging my thoughts as I watch. Will I notice every difference from the books? Unlikely, from one reading. My brother tells me that the first film is one of the worst in his opinion, so my aim is to soldier through the first two at minimum before being allowed to give up. But maybe, being such a total newbie, I’ll see the films in a different light from those who grew up living and breathing Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Stay tuned… and you best believe Imma go all Expecto Patronum if you don’t like what I have to say…

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: The Blog-entary

  • Accio movie! Let’s talk casting: McGonagall is older than I expected, but this isn’t a bad thing. Hagrid is EXACTLY how I saw him. Dumbledore… well, I’ve seen a lot of clips with the second Dumbledore, and I have to say, Dumbledore #2 is the one closer to who I saw. I also pictured Dudley as looking… more evil?
  • Random: I suddenly thought of the epic fail fanfic of all time, My Immortal. Dumbleydore! LOL.
  • Owl-palooza chez Dursley!
  • The look on Daniel’s face when the first two wands trash Olivander’s is priceless. Bwahahaha.
  • HEDWIG!! Okay, I care way more all of a sudden. I’m such a suck for animals.
  • Baby!Ron! All ginger-riffic. Seeing them so young is really jarring, to be honest.
  • Baby!Hermione is a total bitch. I’m just sayin’. I know she is supposed to be an annoying know-it-all, but she’s REALLY annoying out the gate.
  • 40 minutes to just get on the damn boats to Hogwarts. I remember now why I got bored out of my mind… I had no emotional investment and started watching after Hagrid takes Harry away. Shopping and boats. Not quite endearing for a doubter.
  • LOLZ at Baby!Neville. Totally adorable. And Baby!Draco is perfect. Douche-tastic as expected.
  • KITTY! Yup, still animal-obsessed.
  • Sorting Hat time… dum da dum! Baby!Ron is by far my favourite of the kids thus far. The hat is freaking creepy…. I wanna call Chris Hansen on it. It’s so…. clingy to their heads…
  • Ghost special effects? Kinda lame. Typical of Chris Columbus, though… too cutesy. I want my ghosts creepy and mischevious.
  • Snape was also perfectly cast… creepy right down to the serial killer greasy hair.
  • Obvious green screen is obvious during flying lessons.
  • Puppy! Well, sort of a puppy…
  • “She needs to sort out her priorities!” One of the best lines in the whole damn series.
  • All of the feast scenes are serious food porn… Om nomm nomm!
  • Professor McGonagall: hot bitch in charge! Huzzah!
  • Horrible joke about balls in mouth here… er, Snitch…
  • I still really don’t like the way they’ve portrayed the ghosts… and there’s no Peeves. Fail. Although, Mrs. Weasley’s jumpers are as hideous as I would have imagined. *shudder*
  • Also, I expected Lily Potter to be a knock-out, you know? Not a supermodel or plastic pretty, but girl next door “holy hell!” pretty. She just looks like a slim soccer mom. Not how I thought of her at all. It’s really disappointing to me. She’s probably the worst casting so far, in my eyes.
  • Aww! Norbert is so cute! You know, except for the part where he sets people on fire.
  • Is it just me or does Baby!Daniel not play scared well enough? He never really seems sufficiently upset by things like, oh, VOLDEMORT? He seems too steady for a kid having one fuck of a year.
  • Fluffy drool….. UGH!
  • I’m realizing we never saw any fun lessons in Herbology… Hmm. Boo. I always enjoyed Neville having that one talent.
  • The chess game was bad-ass… I’m pretty sure I would have peed myself and turned back.
  • Okay, dude. Voldemort’s little ‘eyes in the back Quirrell’s head’ bit is seriously disturbing.
  • Ah, the house cup…. such a way to make students want to attack each other… What a bad idea for a school of wizards, huh?
  • Hahaha, Baby!Draco’s about to cry. *points and laughs*
  • I love Hagrid. Way more than Dumbledore. Somehow, it seems this means the films have failed, to a degree, since Dumbledore is intended to be beloved, the father Harry never got to be raised by.

Final conclusion: not enough time with the secondary characters. Some weren’t even introduced! Not enough fun with the ghosts of Hogwarts. The movie begins too slowly, only to rush through other parts of the story. Daniel’s green as an actor, but it’s slight and forgivable. Hermione’s TOO annoying for the first half – it’s almost a caricature, it’s so over the top. Baby!Ron is the best of the trio, the end. Next up: Chamber of Secrets. Stay tuned…

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